Writings

but i felt it in my chest
the call for healing at its best
that came with each crack
on the 3rd
'is it over' she asked?
'its truely started' was the word
and each breath came
more freely than the last

(c)2008 Martine Locke/Passionfruit Produce - No reprint without permission

an ode to the shit flinging monkey
lets say his name is barry
he'll pull you in every time
and then ask you to carry
the burden of his quest
his raptuous desire
chew you up, spit you out
and then wonder why there's fire

with a mouthful of psycho babble
and no remorse of which to speak
tuck you in with monkey hands
and lull you into sleep
while your head is safely down
he'll raise a club up high
smack you once, smack you twice
and then blame you for the try

so hold your jewels with both hands tight
lest barry comes for you
you won't see him coming
coz you won't know his moves
convincing in delivery
albeit shallow words
you'll question your very soul
before you question hers


(c)2008 Martine Locke/Passionfruit Produce - No reprint without permission

feeling like a broken record
on the player of my choice
mixed with disbelief
that i even choose to hear your voice

the hang over i feel
at the very mention of your name
is worse than any drug
any pleasure, any pain

gladly took my essence
in your greedy little hands
put your fingers inside me
and called out my name

tried out your love for her
in the comfort of my bed
as you gazed into my eyes
and fucked me instead

please don't forget me
she whispered in my ear
i won't remember anything else
well that much is clear

she stood on a ledge
where she dangled it high
then preceded to laugh
with my heart in her eyes

she blew and she blew
until it all came down
till the clock struck 5
in old lafayette town

then with a snap
of the wrist she was gone
leaving me screaming
with no want to go on

coz i fell in love
on that winters day
but to her i was a toy
and a fine game...she did play

you fuck me over
and then come back to look?
like this is some
fucking story book?
with you as the leading lady
and me as your crime
another notch on your belt
another dollar for your dime
should have seen it coming
should have known it all along
paid attention to the chapters
to the other verses in your song

but damn girl....

you were so good
played out that part
hell, you actually gave it
oscar winning heart
i stand up and applaud you
so take a fucking bow
you deserve the award
you deserve the golden gal
yes, i am the fool
for thinking of you as true
as i, like all the others
got fucked over by you

they said beware
i ignored
the tale of her
gone before
they tell her truth
as she expounds
all the babble
behind her mouth
she really thinks
that they are fools
that no one knows
the shit she drools
suddenly caught
in the old
trapped by all
the lies she told
but her body tells
the truth she can't
her mind betrays
her happenstance
behind the fallout
of the lies
of the love
she denied
behind her lips
lie words I know
behind those eyes
lives a damaged soul

they screamed beware....

but I ignored

what it is you look for
when you look on me
are you looking for absolution
a chance to be freed

are you seeking words
that speak only of you
could your opinion of yourself
actually be so full

or do you come with love
held safely in your heart
hoping for any chance
to make a new start

do you hold on to your choice
and make the most of it all
or do you just regret it
and wait for it to fall

at night, when you lay awake
do you remember how it felt
when you laid across my heart
and played the hand you dealt

so, what is it you look for
when you look on me
divine intervention, an act of god
telling you, it's me, you want to see

she....
she was an illusion
i thought
i'd never have see
added to my confusion
of how i thought this
would ever be
took more from me
than she
will ever
care
to know
raptured my spirit
then crushed
me
whole
under this dream
late late at night
i am lost
in
thoughts
of
her
and wonder....
if this
will ever
end

but i try
to lay it down
at the feet
of the divine
and hold out
for only love
to heal the wound
that holds her name
knowing
what she brought
is what i despise
what she gave
are shameful
lies

she once stood
in a kingdom made of wood
until she took a match
and watched, as it catched

she once played
in a kingdom made of clay
until it poured with rain
and washed it all away

she once chose
a kingdom full of snow
with the wizard of oz
calling all the shots

she once lived
in a kingdom made of sticks
where nobody breathed
incase it cracked at the seams

why would she decide
on one more lie?
because that's all she knows
and her lies, are her gold

traded for her soul
for her life, for her goals
given no more breath
no more life, only death

she lives in a kingdom
scarred by old and unused
she lives in her kingdom
of half truths

there she was
silken under my touch
a bundle of crazy
mixed up
in a bundle of wonderful
divine
hope-filled
moments

she danced
and led the way
for love
to be introduced
into the void
into the carnage
of where love
once stood

daylight broke
across her skin
her happiness
evident for all to see
encapsulated
in a flick
and a flutter
and then she was gone

(inspired by a four legged, 8 week old dog....yes, really)

any parallel between you and me
stopped the day you became untrue, you see
you stand as the reminder to myself
of how I choose not to be

when it all became a lie
built up on the bones of them and i
you forfeited any right
to me

tell her what you will
do you sleep? without that pill?
or do you just snuggle down tightly
with your parallel

i carry a scar
where she once trod
carelessly stepped
narcissistic love
pushed and pulled
blamed me for the try
i didn't listen?
while she gazed lovingly into my eyes

took me to her bed
broke my soul
fucked my head
said it was safe
only to retract
when she pulled
her love back

i carry a scar
where she once slept
spoke words of passion
in both of our beds
me thinks thou
doest protest too much
as she pointed at me
with her pistol cocked

i carry a scar
where she once loved
whispered in my ear
gave a push and then a shove
5 to 1 she bet
came round again
i ended up losing
or did i actually win?

i dodged a bullet
when she broke my heart
ripped it away
saved the best till last
magnificent deceit
hidden in eyes of love
that all crumbled down
when her push became my shove

i raise an unholy finger
in the direction of you
and whisper gently
adieu, adieu, adieu

the ripping sound you hear?
oh, it's just my heart
my crazy lovelorn heart
being torn
apart

but at last your words
they speak your truth
at last your very words
carried the words

'I knew'

i catch my breath before it falls
and hold it close to me
whisper sweet nothings into my soul
the calm before the sea

i catch my tear before you see
lest you think it falls for you
that river has now overflown
the sea is way past me

i catch my heart in a linen glove
too delicate for silk
hold it high above the tide
and wait ...wait for love

the wind is on my face
as I sit
in this place
and wait

not knowing what to expect
i try
to expect
nothing

betrayed by my body
my bunny heart beats
mouth dry, hands shake
and gives myself away

i hold myself
in this space
and repeat
after me

i am loved
i have love
i will love
and be loved

again

i only just loved her
and then
had
to let her go
it wasn't
so much a choice
as it was a gift
to my tired. weary. soul

my feet
on this path
on this quiet
dusty road
her feet
somewhere else
somewhere
she didn't beckon
(or call
or even ask
for me
to go )

i said
that i would lay
i said
that i would fall
i said
that i would give
give
my all

for just
one chance
one chance
to see
me
loving her
her
loving me

but.....(and you knew it was coming)

it seems

her voice
is not mine
to hear
her heart
is not mine
to have near
and this
was not
so much
my choice
and this
was not
so much
my goal

but now

i give i give i give
i give
this gift
to my
tired. weary.
soul.

it was midnight
before she knew it
and stretched out
in full beautiful
view
she held her breath
and looked upon her
as only a lover can do

she carefully held her heart
her pained worried heart
but then laid it down
in full beautiful
view
all she ever needed
is all she ever wanted
and all she ever wanted
is all she ever knew

lied
deceived
held lips
against my cheek
and then....
breathed

came
saw
loved
me raw
inside
my cunt and out

kissed
us both
fucked
me cold
and now
the leaving

is old