I am sitting in Oakland airport waiting for my flight down to Burbank. I was staring at the date on the paper and realised that it was only 6 months ago that I sat in this airport and stared in disbelief at the Southwest counter wondering what the fuck I was doing. I remember being so perplexed by my choice to relocate my world to Chicago. My intuition was screaming at me about a relationship that was changing my life forever, and most definitely not in a good way, and yet in amongst the crazy I still mostly knew that I needed to get on the plane.
I was fucking terrified.....
Truth be told, if you had've told me what the last 6 months would have held for me...well, shit, I still would have gotten on the damn plane. One person and their dishonesty isn't going to take away the growth, the friendships, the laughter, the weight loss, the amazing shows, the bike riding, the conversations, the adventures, the love, the new material, the whole fucking experience the last 6 months has brought me.
When I arrived in Chicago I said there was no way I could make any more major decisions. That I needed to sit and exist in a space of not knowing what my next steps would look like....and I tell you, that was kinda tough for someone who had the next 12 months planned out usually. I secretly hoped that I would know when something came up, what decision I needed to make then.... Right in the moment. Its been a time for me to heal my relationship with my intuition and to trust myself and the world again. I made a conscious choice to put myself on an accelerated healing path....doing whatever I could to move through it, sometimes not so gracefully, but with as much honesty and vulnerability as I could.
Why do I tell you all this?
Who the fuck knows....
Its just coming out of me as I sit here in the airport waiting for my plane thinking about the last 6 months and how I feel about it all today. I suppose too, I put it out there in the hopes that it reminds you that things really can change on the edge of a dime. And sometimes, hard things hit us and the best thing we can do is just put our head down, and walk towards it (that's the goat in me talking), believing and holding onto the fact that 'this, too, will pass'.
One thing for sure about San Francisco is the fog. Sometimes it looks like something out of a horror movie, the way it rolls in and over the top of the city, taking it over completely. But going across the golden gate bridge AS it rolls across is a sight to be had. I am driving back from sausalito with my friend Rachel who has a boat over there. We scrubbed it clean and sat back and looked at our work proudly before heading back into the city.
Doin my show at Dolores park cafe tonight and then back to LA tomorrow morning for a fun few days......ahh, this life is good.
The salted caramel icecream is amazing. When in SF, on 18th St @ Dolores.....homemade icecream that I have never tried coz the line is always too long at night. Seriously worth lining up for the salted caramel alone.
Still in the middle of a 'heat wave' up here, ha, I laugh at their heat wave!.
So, when I come back to cities I am in often, I get more excited by the people in those cities than I do the actual 'places' within that city. Bringing the woman I love into the city I love was more about pulling together all the other people I love here and eating food and laughing together. Mind you, we did that with the most amazing backdrop of San Francisco.....but I digress.
Soo.....that rule applies all the time except when it comes to tartines bakery in SF. At the moments when I remember its existance, like I did this morning, I forget almost everything else and make a bee line here. I have only one, or two, things on my mind at that time. Either their chocolate croissants or their banana cream pie....or both. (hee hee) They have THE most amazing cakes and pastries in the whole world and you HAVE to visit here when in San Francisco.
I know, I look super impressed, right? There's been at least three days of summer here in SF and they have officially declared it a heat wave. Just makes me laugh......this is me, trying to laugh. Needing more sleep.....or not.
Busy social day here in SF today. Had coffee with the wonderful Pam Delgado from the group Blame Sally (and she sang on my cd), then lunch with my good mate Robert (who calls me his little brother) and tonight, I have dinner and sleep overs with one of my best mates Kimberley. I love that part of my journey in this life means I have good mates, from different walks of life, all over the world that I get to hang with along the way. Means I pine for them and we have to resolve conflict over time and distance but it also means we make the absolute most of every moment we have to share together.
Its a warm day here again in the city and let me tell you, two or three of those days in a row is unusual so everyone is outside and soaking up the sun.
This is my mate Rachel working...she's an amazing, small business owner here in SF. She works her ass off and always inspires me, not only because of her work ethic but because she's a great soul who gives back to her community.
Remember, Dolores or Duboce park cafe in San Francisco. Eat/drink there.....support local. Support good people.
I am sitting with my friend Dana at the Dolores Park Cafe with computers and coffee and good food. Its a warm day here on the west coast and I am getting stuck into press and mail outs for the show this weekend. One of these days I will actually memorize all the US holidays and stop booking shows on them. Oh dear.
My house concert on Sunday was canceled so I am going to head back down to LA to hang out before heading to indy for the tado next weekend, what an interesting thing that shall be and I am excited to play with JJ again. Big shout out to all the crew that are coming out to that, your support floors me.
So this was our glorious tipi at the norcal womens music festival. Who knew sleeping in a tipi in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a drum circle each night; could be so wonderful to sleep in. It was snug and warm and great music was to be had. Now I am back in service land and on the way down to San Francisco for showers and dinner and wine with friends.
More photos from the fest are forthcoming and big shout outs to all my musical mates I got to hang with over the weekend too. Twas fun...and dusty. Xxm
So, there seems to be a little bit of a problem with blogger getting my posts. So...you watch them all suddenly come at once.
We are driving up north at the moment, on our way to our private tipi for the norcal womens music festival. This morning started with the sweet smell of cows poo....which is a pretty common smell when you are driving up the 5 between Los Angeles and San Francisco.
A spontaneous stop to surprise good pal Julie Wolf was a joyous moment of love and happiness back on the compound. I haven't seen her for a few months and at that stage was coming out of the end of a dark tunnel that she walked through with me. It was awesome to walk back into the place I lived with a smile on my face, love in my heart and on my arm. And for her to look into my eyes and go 'wow'.
My friends, it does happen. Things change, wounds heal in strange ways, we learn the lessons we need to.I ended a chapter in my life that I will never revisit again and you know, as I sit here, I couldn't have even imagined this place for myself a few months back...but damn....its magical and beautiful and gentle, kind, honest, present and how it should actually be.I have had moments where I wished this is where I had have started this year, that I wasted so much time and energy and myself in some place else.. but I know timing is everything and I just have so many moments of gratefulness.
So....another hour of driving to go, Ms Difranco plays us some tunes and I am happy to gaze over into the direction of my love and find myself with a permanent smile on my face.....and to see same on hers.
The sweet smell of cows poo has forced us to flee from Coalinga, CA.....for those of you who have no clue where I speak of, Coalinga is a town along Highway 5 in California (between LA and SF) that seems to be completely cow driven....imagine huge cow farms everywhere. It's like when you go to Gilroy, CA...it TOTALLY smells like garlic because they have huge garlic farms everywhere..oh, and outlet malls....but not sure that has a smell.
Is in the middle of the night when no one else is around. We are pumped up on coffee and each other and starting the drive to northern California for the norcal music festival this weekend. Three days out on the land near the Russian river, in a teepee (lol, yes, true...will send a photo!)....good music and a chance to catch up and spend time with other musician mates. And of course, three days to just sit and look at this lovely one sitting next to me.
Hiking today through Stough Canyon Park in Burbank/Glendale, CA. It was one of 'those' hikes where part way through we are looking at the steepness of the climb, the apparent 'oops, might have missed the ACTUAL path and wow that's a long way down' moments and the increasing number of mountain lion looking poos along the way.
But none of it mattered. The journey, the raucous moments of bending over holding the belly laughter, the sun on our skin and the kiss on her lips...
Who I miss like crazy. And for those of you put there in Oz so you can see what the next blockbuster movie from the US is going to look like....I know, you are excited, no?
So, I am a beach snob at the best of times. When you have grown up at some of THE best beaches in the world, its no wonder. As a kid I spent a big chunk of my summers at a beach somewhere and even as an adult I get to the point where I pine for a good ocean visit. I have though been known to lift my nose in disgust over some of the beaches I have been to here, they pale alongside somewhere like yallingup beach in western australia...you know, an ocean that is three colors, white white beautiful sand, perfect weather.
But you know, walking freely with the hand of my new sweet love in mine kinda makes any beach seem perfect in a 'ahhhhh' kinda way. Or maybe I am just a little light in the head right now.....
Dionne with her pa, Dale and step ma, Ginny....we just had an amazing BBQ by moon light....amazing food, amazing wine, amazing conversation. Life don't suck one bit......
This is from Cindy who drove from Joliet, IL to Champaign, IL to help move her niece Samantha into her apartment for Graduate school......this would be Samantha.
This is my mate TJ (aka Jenny Talia from Australia) soundchecking before her show tonight in South Africa. Damn lucky wench that she be....mate, isn't it about time you took another little Aussie on the road with you?
This is my good mate and riding buddy, KC. You will also see her name around the blog comments as she is a great supporter and friend to what I do. She rides the Team in Training - LLS Cancer Cure rides and has one coming up in Arizona in November that I want to let you know about incase you can spare $25, or whatever, to support her in her ride. It's all a tax deduction and they make it super easy for you to donate here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/il/tucson08/kcushing
As KC says: "Cycling is a hobby; Cycling for a cure is a mission. With that in mind, I decided to get back on my bike and ride 109 miles for a cure."
You can also ask for your donation to be in memory of someone you know who has lost their battle with cancer or is battling it now. Their name can also be added to her riding jersey.
So, please, support a great mate who has been supportive.
Back to air headed land over here and the sweet sweet taste of love...
Very little brain right now....so, until I regain some capacity to put words together again, here is a favorite photo to think on.
Oh and big shout outs and loves to my friends Jemma and Jane, who leave on the big Aussie adventure soon. Wish I could be there to see your smiling faces.
Signs such as these are a big part of every muso's life. For people like me though, the sight and thought of a laundromat is quite an exciting one....I know, strange. But there's nothing like the smell of fresh clothes (especially off the line) and I have often been known to turn up to friends houses with a bag of laundry to do while I am there. Thankfully my friends are completely accommodating and see it more as a sign of the comfort in our friendship than they do me having any kind of OCD thing around clean clothes.
Anyway, I am dribbling a little in this post.
Secretly, I want to scream to the whole world that I am in love with an amazing woman who takes my breath away, thrills my heart and makes me smile so fucking big that my whole face hurts like a mofo. I look at this last year of heartbreak and hurt and feeling/being deceived, feeling like my entire world was turned upside down because of that, thinking I would never let my heart go again...and I wonder in amazement as to how much of that was instrumental in bringing me here..today, right now, right this second.
I look into her eyes and am so excited by the safety, the honor, the trust, the honesty, the mutual surprise, the joy and the love that I see there. And damn, if I am not completely blown away by the way the universe works.
So fuck it, its not a secret anymore.....I have never been so good with keeping my own secrets anyway......and this is too amazing to not say out loud and to offer a moment of gratefulness out towards the universe.
There you have it....direct from the wonderful clean clothes loving, sweet smelling laundromat in Burbank, CA.....and direct from me.
Its an early morning here in Utah. Last night I rerouted the next part of my journey to take me directly to LA, so it means being up at the ass crack of dawn (sorry dawn) to make the 3 hour drive back to salt lake city. I am certain it will be worth it though....
Had a ball here in Utah, who knew this would be so much fun and so breathtaking all at once. If you are ever wanting to hit a womens music festival, I would suggest this one. Good people, good music and amazing views.
Shout outs to all the mates coming back from Michigan womens festival (remember to put your favorite Aussie's name on the evaluation form!!). Looking forward to hearing the tales.
This is Lorraine, one of the festival performers, she decided to do an impromptu concert in a slot canyon near Boulder, UT. Lorraine can just about play anything and is an amazing didge player.
About 25 people drove the two hours out here to sit in the canyon and listen to her do her thing. It was a pretty special experience and I wish I had sound so you could hear how incredible the natural reverb of the canyon was. I stretched out on a red rock and looked up to the sky for the show and felt grateful for the moment.
Anyway, heading back to Torrey to chill out with some Olympic action before driving back to SLC tomorrow and then flyin back to CA! Woohoo.....can barely contain my excitement.
More photos of this amazing area will be following....
So, photos for the Saturday Around The World are still coming in and here's another:
My great mates and family....Jude (who is my US mum), Suzanne and Jennifer. Suzanne gave birth to Rune River last night (so this photo is not quite from Saturday...still waiting for the baby shot).
They are sitting outside Suzanne and her hubby, Aaron's cafe - solstice cafe - in Hood River.
Dawn, Dionne and Paula. Dawn and Paula just got married down in San Diego, CA. Congratulations chicks!! Now they are doing the tourist thing in LA with D. Good times, no doubt...!!!
How many musicians and how much equipment can you fit into one car? Us of the healthy musicians are out for a hike this morning, I will no doubt send more photos in because its pretty awesome out here.
This is the backstage view here at the Red Rocks Music Festival. It was amazing to witness, took my breath away.
JJ and I just did a fucking rocking set. It was so big and so loud, that I am a little deaf right now. But damn....was it good. I can't wait to play more with her. She is doing the Indy Tado with me in Indianapolis next month and fuck if we won't rock the stage.
My sore hands and tired body are done for this long ass day.
Tomorrow is SATW....Saturday around the world. Email me a photo of what you are doing and I will put it up here - info@martinelocke.com
Service is intermittent down here but look on the beauty of the red rocks.....its raining still out here....here's hoping the storm will pass overhead and for moments of dryness.....Ahhm.
This is the wonderful Ms JJ Jones, we are sitting in the car being driven by Rita, the glorious festival volunteer, 4 hours south out of Salt Lake City to Torrey for the festival tonight. We will have a rockin set tonight given the energy and action in the car. I am damn excited to play with JJ tonight and this marks the beginning of us working together more in the future. Bring it on!
Back to the rehearsal! We have a 9pm show tonight and its raining now.....and umm, really dark clouds ahead.....and umm, we are playing outside. Ahhh.....gt. Lol.
I am ever so slightly mushy brained right now. My riding buddy KC, who I am sitting here waiting for, just laughs at me as I look at her blankly lost in thought mid sentence, unable to even remember past my own thought to finish whatever the fuck it was I was saying.
Its a good mushy brain though. The kind that makes you smile hard, the kind that makes your entire body zing with electricity and surprise. The kind that takes your breath away and makes you forget everything gone before....including your ability to form words and sentences that make sense.
Hell, even I laugh at myself. And as my good ole ma says, if you can't laugh at yourself....you're fucked.
I just got this photo from Michelle down in Indianapolis. We have been talking on and off over the last few months about grief and moving through pain-filled things and experiences with people/relationships or blips, and how much we let that change our world and healing and the 'whys' and the 'hows' and the 'whens' and well....you know, all that stuff.
This photo is actually of a coffee stain...lol. It made me laugh out loud when I saw it.....in a 'fuck no' and a 'if you only knew' and a 'hmm..coffee'...kinda way. Because of this photo, I was reminded of a song I want to write about the idea of a wound turning into a scar and what that process looks like. I am experiencing a wound turn into a scar and the image of that happening has been really powerful in my mind and in my imagination...and no doubt, in my person. My mate Alex said to me recently when I was griping about scars and not wanting to be scarred, that she thought scars were kinda sexy....in a 'lived life, had experiences, put it all out there, been hurt, been healed' kinda way.
I like that idea.
I know I can look at my own body right now and remember how I got each of the scars on my skin...some of them have great memories, some of them not so...but they all make up who I am and show my journey in this life.
I think there is something to be said for actively pursuing your own healing from something instead of just hoping that time will take care of it.....time is a great healer, yes...but I also believe I can be active in my own healing process and do what I need to, to take care of da bizness. Writing is part of that for me...laying it all out there. Getting body work, talking with friends, exercising, being creative, being in nature...all helps too. And visualizing my wound....my 'big, gaping, bloody, puss filled, matted, never gonna survive this, makes me want to vomit when I look at it' wound, turning into a scar...a big shiny, smooth scar. A scar that I will carry with me in the same way I do the big one on my knee that I got from the handlebars of my BMX bike..or the one on my other knee from the time I jumped out the back of a speed boat and the propeller knicked me..or the one on my thumb from where I almost took off said appendage trying to cut an orange at 4 years of age...or the one...well, you get the picture....
My, soon to be, shiny-smooth-tells an amazing story-has changed me forever and I have 'lived to tell the tale' scar.
Love him...this sums it up perfectly for me, and hell if it didn't make me laugh:
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Here's a passage from Kurt Vonnegut's novel *Breakfast of Champions:* "Kilgore Trout once wrote a short story which was a dialogue between two pieces of yeast. They were discussing the possible purposes of life as they ate sugar and suffocated in their own excrement. Because of their limited intelligence, they never came close to guessing that they were making champagne." This scenario has some resemblances to what you're doing, Capricorn. Fortunately, you're much smarter than the two pieces of yeast, and so you will not do the equivalent of drowning in crap. But I bet you'll create something comparable to champagne.
"Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). Make the growth choice a dozen times a day." Abraham Maslow
Do we do what scares us? Do we stay out of our comfort zone? Do we stay in over our heads?
I say, 'FUCK YEAH!!!!'
Amen to that on this fine Wednesday.....(oops, thanks for the reminder...Tuesday)
So, its pitch black here right now and I took this photo outside in the middle of the biggest thunderstorm I have ever seen (I was under cover....FYI). The kind of storm that lights up the whole sky with every crack and every crack comes within seconds of the last.....tornado warnings....look out aunty em. 60-80 mile wind warnings throughout Chicago....
If my arms had have been long enough you would have seen me jumping into this puddle two seconds after taking this photo. Its a rainy, stormy day here and damn if it aint a fine Monday. I have been smiling for days and not even a rainy, stormy Monday can stop that.
I head out to Utah this week to play the Red Rock Music Festival in Torrey. Ms JJ Jones will be joining me there for our first official show together....woo-fucking-hoo...is all I can say about that.
Then I am in CA for three whole weeks, doing shows all around Nth California (including the NorCal womens music festival where we get to sleep in a teepee), hanging with mates and if the past month is any indication, you will find me smiling big and hard for that whole time (okay, probably some times more than others...but).
Life is so full of sweet surprises, if we are open to them. I have spent so much time worrying that the past 7 months of my life had left me wounded and changed to the point that I wouldn't recognise myself again and yes....I have been forever changed in my core, learnt some massive lessons and things about myself and others that I would have prefered not to .....but as I stand on the edge and within the sweet surprises that life continues to bring me, I am ecstatic to witness my soul...to witness its growth, its willingness to be open again and to stand on the edge of a pool of water....and finding myself WANTING to jump.
Jimmy and Kenny....playing some game that looks like it has to do with ping pong balls and beer..which you know, over near where I come from...we call that something different.
The inside of my mate Alex's house....looking bloody good pal. It's been a big pile of rubble for weeks. Now to find the before shot I had to really show people how different it is (oh, the sliding door is gone...)
Lawn mower racing.....these are souped up, high powered lawn mowers. I did wonder why they didn't do the race actually ON the lawn and thereby killing two birds with one stone. Seems there is even an organisation called the USLMRA......can you guess what that stands for?
This is my friend Amanda, singing karaoke at the kankakee county fair....try saying that three times. Not even the promise of a free kankakee county tshirt is getting me on that stage though......
Oreo cookies....and damn, if they actually are kinda tasty fried bundles of chocolate....I am getting the full experience out here. There's only one thing missing....... ;-)
Mates....she likes the songs, she really likes the songs...!! (feel a little like Sally Fields when I say that). Copyright and publishing information has been requested...I think that's a good sign!!! Will keep you posted!!! Keep thinking those good thoughts and keep imagining a song on there, it's working!!!! Thank you for the notes and emails...appreciate the encouragement.
And just for good measure....I need to throw in a few more of these - !!!!!!
I am going to the Kankakee County Fair today....I KNOW!!!! Isn't that exciting, I know you wish you were coming with. I will take photos. Never been to a county fair before so I am secretly excited by the thought....although, a little scared by the things I have heard regarding the items they fry....deep fried snickers bars? I kid you not...
Reminder - tomorrow is 'Saturday Around The World' (or SATW as Megan called it). Start sending those photos in as soon as you can and I will get them up there! (email info@martinelocke.com).
This is a totally sporadic post today..kinda scattered...a little like my jelly brain....my jaw still hurts from smiling and my mind and thoughts lean towards a plane on it's way to Edmonton, Canada today..and it's a good fucking day as she deeply sighs and is grateful for life and love.
